


Destiel Beginnings

by plant_boy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awesome Charlie Bradbury, Awesome Jody Mills, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester Friendship, Dean Winchester Has Internalized Homophobia, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Homophobic John Winchester, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Donna Hanscum/Jody Mills, Parental Jody Mills, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:47:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26182150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plant_boy/pseuds/plant_boy
Summary: Dean struggles with a ton of internalized homophobia. Sam is a great brother. Charlie and Jody are amazing. Dean is kind of an idiot but he struggles and overcomes it I'm proud of him. a lot of smut but also lots of fluff with it. this is like my first fanfiction pls don't judge I worked very hard on this.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	Destiel Beginnings

Dean sat in the Impala trying not to think about it, not to think about him, not to think about Cas, not to think about them. It's hard to focus on driving when your mind won't stop wandering to your best friend, that you may or may not have feelings for. He could feel Sam's eyes boring into him. "Dean..." Sam started, "Don't." said Dean not wanting to hear Sam's opinion right now. They had places to be, people to save, and monsters to kill. That didn't stop Dean's mind to wander to thoughts of Cas, the cruel voice of John Winchester as background noise.

He winced remembering the story. The Winchesters were in New York City for a case, when Sam and Dean were both still teenagers. They were walking back to the Impala after interviewing the family of the victim, when they passed two men holding hands. Dean was 17 at the time, and Sam was 13. Both of their eyes wandered to the couple, curiosity in their eyes. With their conservative Kansas upbringing, they weren't used to seeing two men being openly together. Not that either of the boys minded, but as Dean glanced up at his father, he could see the hatred in his eyes. John muttered homophobic slurs, and how his boys better not turn out like that. Both of the boys stayed silent; Sam out of confusion, and Dean out of shame. After that point, he knew that his father wasn't a safe person to confide in.

Dean tried to focus on the road, careful not to veer out of the lane. His mind flashed back to a much older, and long forgotten memory.

It was third grade. Mary had died a few years ago, and John was still suffering. Dean had already felt the parental duties to Sam weighing down on him. But with Benji, none of that mattered. Benji was his best friend in that school. They hadn't known each other long, as Dean had just came to that particular city a few weeks ago. They instantly connected, as young children did. One day, Dean came to school upset, John was drunk the night before and was especially cruel. At the end of the day, Dean was worried about going home to John, worried about what John would do to him, but especially little Sammy. As the bell rang and they waited for parents to arrive, Benji gave Dean a tight hug. John arrived to see another boy embracing his son for a moment too long, and wrenched Dean from his arms. John grabbed Dean away and pulled him to Sam's classroom to get him, and dragged them both from the school. John gave no explanation, but Dean saw the look in his eyes and knew not to argue. They never returned to that school, and Dean never saw Benji again. That was the closest thing he'd had to a friend other than Sammy, until Cas. 

Dean's eyes welled as he remembered that painful memory. He rubbed his eyes discreetly, avoiding Sam's stares, and focused on the road. 

They arrived to their latest motel shortly after. They walked in and paid, the brothers not saying anything to each other. They went to their room, Dean closing the door and throwing his bag on the ground, sighing. "Dean..." Sam began as he said on the bed. "What, Sam?" Dean snapped at his brother. "Look I know something's bothering you and I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but what you're doing, it's just, it's not healthy. Dean, it's eating you up." Sam finished, with worry in his eyes. "Since when am I ever healthy, Sammy?" Dean asked, trying to deflect with humor. Sam sighed, exasperated. "Fine, if you won't talk to me will you at least talk to Cas?" Dean blanched as Sam said his name. "Whoa, whoa, okay then." said Sam, noticing his reaction immediately. "What about Charlie, then?" he countered. A light bulb appeared in Dean's eyes, "Fine." he grumbled, not wanting to give Sam the satisfaction. 

Dean drove two hours to the latest apartment that Charlie was staying at. She was very confused, as Dean refused to discuss on the phone what he needed to talk about. She welcomed him in with a tight hug. "What's on your mind, Dean-O?" Charlie asked. Dean stared at the pride flag in her living room for a moment too long, and recognition sparked in Charlie's eyes at once. Charlie knew Dean. He was practically her brother. She knew how to get him to talk, how to push him, but never too hard. She looked over at Dean, who had stolen a beer from her fridge and was drinking it absentmindedly at her table. He stared off into the distance as Charlie thought about her plan of action. An idea sparked in her head, and she walked over to sit down with Dean. "I realized I liked girls when I was twelve," she began, pretending not to notice how quickly Dean's eyes rose to meet hers. "It's always been part of me," she continued. "Uh, good for you, Charlie." Dean said, pretending to be disinterested. She chuckled and continued anyways. "I kissed a few boys when I was 14, at one of the few high school parties I went to. It was okay I guess, but nothing really special." "What, no juicy details for me?" Dean laughed and waggled his eyebrows at her. She rolled her eyes at him and still kept going. "I had my first girlfriend when i was 15, in sophomore year. Her name was Rose. I had never felt anything like it before. There were fireworks and all that jazz," she giggled, remembering the old days. "I had finally allowed myself to be true to who I was and I felt free. It didn't matter what anyone said or thought." She smiled reminiscing. "Of course it didn't last very long, as high school relationships do." She laughed awkwardly, hoping that didn't ruin the point she was trying to get across. "I knew then, that I couldn't hide anymore, I had to live my truth." 

Charlie raised her eyes to gauge Dean's reaction. She could see the pain in his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to hide it behind all of his walls. He stood up as he finished his beer and hugged her quickly and moved towards the door. "You know I love you," Charlie said softly, "and so does Sam, and Mary, and Jody. No matter what, okay?" She finished, more fiercely. Dean nodded and opened the door, worried that if he stayed longer he would end up telling her everything. He walked to the Impala and sat in it for a while. Charlie watched him through the window, with sadness and compassion. Eventually Dean drove away, heading back to the motel to help Sam with the case. 

"...so I'm pretty sure we're dealing with-oh hey Dean you're back!" said Sam, a small smile on his face. "Yup." grumbled down as he sat down on one of the beds, tired from the back and forth drive. "Will you please continue, Sam?" Said a voice that left goosebumps on his arms. He shot up immediately to find Cas standing there. "What are you doing here?" Dean asked rudely. "I asked him to come," Sam interjected. "since you were gone, I wanted some help with the case." Sam finished. "Is my presence a problem, Dean?" Cas asked him. "No, whatever it's fine," said Dean, shaking his head. "I'm gonna shower." He mumbled and headed towards the bathroom. 

Sam and Cas' voices faded as Dean turned the water on. He stared at himself in the mirror, self loathing crawling towards the surface. As steam filled the bathroom he went into the shower. He thought about what Charlie had said, wondering how she knew what he was struggling with. As his thoughts drifted to Cas, he turned the water to cold so he wouldn't have a problem to deal with. Sam and Cas were too close for that, and he didn't want to let his guard down. He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower and grabbed the nearest towel. He cursed in annoyance as he realized that he hadn't brought a change of clothes into the bathroom with him. He wrapped his towel tightly around his waist, trying hard not to look in the mirror. He stepped out of the bathroom and Cas and Sam turned to say hello to him. He grabbed his clothes as quickly as he could, not wanting to be around Cas with nothing but a flimsy towel. He noticed Cas gulped and had a faint blush in his cheeks. He hurried to the bathroom before he did something he would regret. His cock was half hard just thinking about Cas' reaction to him in a towel. That reaction sparked hope inside of him, but the good feeling was shoved down by the cruel voice of John Winchester reminding him that he would be a disgrace to him just by having those feelings. He tried to push both voices down as he changed and left the bathroom. "So what're we dealing with?" Dean asked Sam and Cas, hoping that the case would distract from his personal ordeal.

-

"Mmmmm...Cas," Dean moaned as he stared at the beautiful man on top of him. Cas smiled down at him as he jerked Dean's cock and Dean came undone beneath him. Cas came with the words "I love you, Dean." on his tongue, and Dean woke up in a sweat. He felt like a teenager all over again. He looked over at the other bed and Sam was fast asleep, and Cas probably over somewhere doing something for heaven. He remembered a change of clothes this time and ran to the bathroom for a cold shower. Shame clouded his head, as he went to turn the water to hot so he could enjoy himself. He sighed and turned the water off and changed quickly. After he left the bathroom, Sam was already up and ready to go. He sighed, hoping that the case would be an adequate distraction. 

-a few days later-

"So Jody invited us to dinner." Sam said randomly. "Oh, uh, that's nice." said Dean. "Yeah," said Sam. "and we're going. We both love Jody's cooking and we haven't seen her and the girls in a while," said Sam convincingly. "Yeah, okay." Dean agreed. 

They arrived in Sioux Falls later that day, a bit early for dinnertime. Claire opened the door when they arrived and quickly hugged both of them. The brothers waved to Alex and Patience and went to find Jody. They both hugged her tightly and complimented how the food smells. Alex left soon after for her shift at the hospital, and Patience left for the library to study. Claire and Jody both insisted that the boys make themselves comfortable while they waited for the food. The doorbell rang and both of the boys stood up, Dean more surprised than Sam. Jody blushed slightly and checked her appearance and then rushed to the door. Dean has his eyebrows raised and was expecting a random guy to come through. His eyebrows raised even higher when they saw Donna waiting there and Sam was shocked at how high Dean's eyebrows raised when he saw Donna and Jody kiss. Sam just grinned and went to hug Donna. Dean followed suit, still shocked and confused. Dean regained his composure when they were all seated at the table. "So...you two, huh?" Dean asked trying to be calm, and not act excited, attempting to keep John Winchesters voice at bay. Donna and Jody both blushed and held each others hands to show the boys. Sam and Claire both grinned, clearly already in the know. Dean was going to have a talking-to with Sam after this. "We've been seeing each other for two months." Jody grinned, probably the happiest Dean had ever seen her. They had a happy meal discussing the new development in the relationship, Dean trying to ignore the sly looks and comments Sam was giving him. Goddamn, his brother knew him so well. After they finished the meal, they hugged the girls and left for the Impala. They were silent while walking to the car, but the haranguing would begin when they were both in the car. Dean was silent as they got into the car and began when they were on the highway, heading back to the bunker. Dean sighed, not wanting to confront Sam, but preferring to be in control of the situation. "I know what you're playing at." Dean decided to start with. "And what's that?" Sam responded cockily. "Don't make me say it." said Dean, already frustrated. "Fine I'll say it then," said Sam. "You're in love with Cas and for whatever reason you're torturing yourself and denying yourself. You must know by now that he feels the same. Why are you doing this to yourself? I'm your brother, I know you, but I can't understand why." He ended with a tone of compassion and Dean softened a bit. "Let me guess, Charlie called you?" Dean asked, trying to bring humor to the heavy conversation. 'She didn't have to." Sam shook his head and smiled. Dean sighed. Why did Sam have to know him so well. He may as well be honest with him, he clearly didn't care. He knew now that Sam and Jody and Donna and Charlie and everyone, they didn't care. "i can't get dad's voice out of my head." Dean finally admitted, hanging his head slightly. Sam took a deep breath, suddenly understanding. "Dean, dad is dead. He isn't coming back. You can't live your life scared of what he would think of you. What you think he thinks doesn't matter. The people in your life, we love you no matter what. Especially me, and especially mom." Dean perked up at that, he had almost forgot about Mary. She was just glad to be back in her boys' lives, she couldn't care less about who they loved. Yet his self hatred overpowered that. "As much as I appreciate that, Sammy, there is no way in hell that Cas would ever feel the same. I'm Dean Winchester. I'm old, I'm a killer, I've started the apocalypse. I'm so old and I can barely admit to anyone let alone myself that I'm bi." He said the last word shakily, but he calmed when he saw the pride in Sam's eyes just hearing him finally admit that. "Dean, you can't be so blind that you don't see the way he looks at you." "It's not my fault I'm smokin'" said Dean as an attempt to cover up. Yet it wasn't always a cover up. It was so hard for him to get it through his head that it was possible that Cas could feel the same about him. He was an Angel of the Lord after all, what could he see in Dean? "Dean..." Sam tried to start again, but stopped and decided to leave it at that. They arrived at the bunker, finally, the ride was incredibly awkward after their conversation. Dean ate whatever he could find in the bunkers fridge and went to his room to rest and contemplate. What he wasn't expecting was for Cas to be in his room. Dean was very taken aback to see the angel on his bed, something he had dreaded and fantasized so many times. "Cas what the fuck are you doing in here, buddy? Remember personal space?" "I'm sorry Dean, but this is very important." Said Cas, not breaking his gaze. "Goddammit Cas." Dean muttered, as he sat on the chair across from Cas. "Dean, why have you been ignoring me?" Cas asked, surprising Dean with his bluntness. "And don't say that you haven't been because I know you have been." Dean stayed silent trying to figure out how to handle the situation. "Tell me, Dean!" said Cas more firmly and aggressively. Dean had had enough. "You want me to tell you? Fine, I'll tell you! You want me to tell you that I'm bisexual and I've barely admitted it to myself and I'm worried that you'll hate me? Or about the fact that you're the closest friend that I've ever had and I would rather deny the fact that I'm in love with you than ruin that relationship. Or-" Dean was suddenly interrupted by Cas' lips on his. He was so shocked that he forgot to breath or kiss back. Cas pulled away after Dean hadn't kissed back. "Oh-I-I'm sorry-I must have misunderstood. Please forgive me, Dean." Said Cas, standing up to leave. "Don't leave." Dean whispered. Cas just stared at him. Dean sighed and stood up and started kissing Cas back. Finally, finally, finally. As the kiss became more passionate Cas pushed Dean against the wall and Dean moaned, not expecting Cas to be so dominant. They continued to kiss passionately, swallowing each others small moans. Cas slid his knee between Dean's thighs, giving him some delicious friction for his hard cock. Dean moaned loudly. He stuttered embarrassed, but Cas just kissed him again. "M-more" Dean stuttered between kisses, and he took of Cas' trench coat and struggled with his tie. Cas ripped off Dean's shirt aggressively, the buttons falling off. Cas began sucking on Dean's neck, Dean moaned with the realization that it would leave marks on his skin for days. Cas continued kissing and sucking on Deans neck and shoulders as Dean managed to take off Cas' tie and shirt. He ran his hands over Cas' chest, staring at him as he was the most magnificent creature and there was only so much time to gaze upon its beauty. "You're perfect." whispered Dean as he kissed all over Cas' chest. He stared up at Cas as his fingers hesitated over Cas' pants. Cas moaned, "Please, Dean." Dean sank to his knees and undid Cas's pants. Cas ripped them off, desperately wanting more. Dean mouthed the outline of Cas' hard cock through his boxers, the wet spot of pre-cum forming. "I've never done this before." Dean admitted. "You're perfect." Cas said, lust clear in his voice. Dean had seen enough porn to know what to do, and he knew what he liked. He pulled Cas' boxers down slowly, trying to savor the moment and contain his anxiety. Well, fuck it, Dean thought to himself. Dean had been tested after his last sexual encounter a few months ago, and Sam had made sure Cas got tested after losing his virginity to April. He knew they were both safe so he continued. He licked a stripe up Cas' cock, and Cas moaned, his dripping cock finally getting some attention. All anxiety disappeared as he watched the man he loved come undone beneath him. He licked the tip of Cas' cock and then engulfed as much as he could in his mouth. Cas brought his hand to Dean's hair pulling tightly, as Dean moaned, Cas's cock still deep in his mouth. Dean began to palm himself through his jeans, his cock achingly hard. Cas noticed this and pulled Dean back up to his height. He kissed him deeply and then pushed Dean into the bed. Dean moaned as Cas snapped his fingers and Deans boxer and jeans disappeared. He would scold Cas for using his grace for something like this later. Now, he was making out with the man he had love for years. All of his dreams and fantasies were coming true. "Cas," Dean moaned. "need you." "What do you need, Dean?" Cas asked, his deep voice turning Dean on even more. "You, need you, please Cas." Dean managed to get out. "Very well, Dean. I believe I need to prepare you." Any other time Dean would have rolled his eyes at Cas being so formal, but at this moment he just had to focus on getting the lube and a condom from his drawer. "I'm not really sure how to do this." Cas admitted. Dean didn't either but again, porn was one of his favorite pastimes. He knew the basics. He took Cas' hand and licked it, not breaking eye contact. He poured a generous amount of lube into Cas' hand and directed it lower. "I don't want to hurt you, Dean." Cas said worriedly. "Its okay," Dean said and moved Cas' finger to his entrance. He hissed a little, not used to the feeling, but urged Cas to continue. "Another one," Dean insisted. Cas added a second finger and Dean moaned loudly as Cas hit his prostate. This was a new sensation for him. "Cas, please. Case, fuck me!" Dean moaned, as Cas continued to hit his prostate with two fingers. "I don't want to hurt you." Cas repeated, although he added a third finger. Dean began fucking himself on Cas' fingers, begging Cas to just fuck him already, dammit. And how could Cas resist such a beautiful sight? Cas grabbed the condom that Dean had taken out. He seemed a bit confused and was taking too long for Deans liking, so Dean took the condom from him and expertly rolled it on. Dean jerked Cas' cock a few times and guided it towards his entrance. "Dean, are you sure?" Cas asked, a hint of worry mixed in with the arousal. "Shut up and fuck me, angel." Dean said switching their positions so that he was straddling Cas. He sunk down on Cas' cock and they both moaned, both of them unsure if this was real. Dean gave himself a moment to adjust and then slowly began moving his hips. Cas was staring up at the beautiful man on top of him. "You are so beautiful." Cas said, still admiring Dean. Dean blushed but didn't say anything. He began moving faster and they both let out moans. This time Dean wasn't fast enough for Cas, and Cas pushed Dean into the bed switching their positions. They both moaned loudly. "Come on, Cas, faster." teased Dean, unprepared for Cas to begin fucking into him harder and faster. Dean moaned loudly and grabbed Cas' hips to steady himself, as Cas grabbed the headboard and continued fucking Dean roughly. "Oh-oh, Cas, I-I'm close," Dean was able to moan out. "Me too," Cas said, almost a whisper. He fucked harder into Dean, hitting his prostate every time. Dean began jerking himself off, continuing to moan loudly. Dean came first, cum coating his and Cas' chests. Dean tightening around him, and seeing him come from him was enough to send Cas over the edge and he came just seconds after, just as loud as Dean. They continued to move with each other, still soaking in the post-orgasm ecstasy. Cas pulled out of Dean and took the condom off and tossed it in the trash can. He snapped his fingers to clean them both and then lay back down against Dean. Never would Dean have guessed that he would be the little spoon, but here he was cuddling with the man he loved, after having the most mind blowing sex. Cas kissed his neck sweetly, and just held Dean. They were in comfortable silence and it was peaceful. "I love you, Cas." Dean blurted out. He was shocked when Cas said "I love you too, Dean." so simply. He was expecting rejection, expecting Cas to run away, but he stayed right there. They fell asleep together and Dean had a night free from nightmares. They woke up together and Cas smiled sleepily at Dean. Dean, still shocked that Cas had stayed, grinned wide and kissed him. He pulled away and hugged Cas, so much emotion passing between them. They both giggled uncharacteristically, and smiled at each other. They dressed in between small kisses and decided to face the day together. They went to the kitchen and Dean was surprised to not see Sam there. "Sammy?" He called out anxiously. He grabbed Cas' hand and pulled him out of the kitchen to go find Sam. To their surprise they found Sam, and-what the fuck? Charlie was there blowing a party horn and looking a bit embarrassed. In addition to Charlie; Jody, Donna, Mary, and yes even Ketch, Crowley, and Gabriel were there. There were tons of claps, 'congratulations,' 'fucking finally's' and some wolf whistles. Dean swore he could've seen Chuck in the background giving them a thumbs up and winking. Cas was blushing aggressively and Dean was in a state of shock. Dean turned to Sam who look slightly embarrassed and proud of himself. Dean began to glare but Sam interjected with "What? You're the one who decided to have extremely loud sex in the bunker that we share, I deserve some payback!" And, well, Sammy was right. Dean blushed, still holding Cas' hand. Fuck it! He had already overcome so many roadblocks! He kissed Cas in front of his family and they cheered. Everyone was so happy for them. Everyone had watched them silently wallow and pine after each other for years, and they were so proud of them. Dean and Cas pulled apart and they smiled at each other. They were at peace. Finally.


End file.
